Reprieve

If life at the moment was reflected in a tarot reading, the six of Pentacles and the Hanged Man would be central. There's a feeling of reprieve from the financial and mental limitations of unpaid maternity leave, thanks to my new job. Still, there is also a sense of sacrifice, because these gains are at the cost of the winding down of all the emotional and spiritual comforts of sharing (almost) all of every–day together with R and F.

Getting the balance right is the trick.

Of course, any move into paid work from maternity leave was going to be felt by all of us. However, the pendulum has swung from one extreme to the other lately. It's all the more extreme because I've moved straight into a full time role (albeit only for a contract period) that is based 1.5 hours drive away. It adds up to long working days, with only short intermissions for family life.

After only a week, I was starting to wonder if it was worth it. F seemed to be coping fine, but R was having nightly meltdowns. It took me a while to remember that R nightly meltdowns were also routine pre-F, on my paid working days. He's over tired and over stimulated. Doesn't make it any easier in the moment, but at least it gives some context.

On the positives, I am already enjoying the relief of having a decent cash flow again. The work is surprisingly interesting and I'm grateful for episodic work that isn't deskilling. The early morning / later evening travel to and from head office should wind down from next week. It's going to last long enough (all being well!) to build up some nest egg again, while being short term enough to feel like the sacrifices are manageable.

The other silver lining (I'm tired, cliches galore tonight) is that I feel a heightened appreciation for the simple pleasures of moments with my boys. Yesterday and today, Lita wasn't working which meant that I had the good fortune of two weekdays free from paid work. 

It meant that I got to take R to kinder, which I've otherwise only managed once so far this year. He's now in a composite class with 3–5 year olds, with the full range of Montessori equipment. Today I had a parent teacher interview, and learned that his favourite kinder past-times are painting, sandpit play, and paper shredding. I'd probably already guessed two-thirds of that from the artwork and sand that come home with him daily. Still, it was good to hear that he's settled in well and his teachers are happy with his classroom engagement.

We also fitted in some play-dates over the past two days. This afternoon, we caught up with K, E and K. K and I met through mother's group, and our catch ups have always mostly been about us: R and E's relationship has been more incidental. Up til now, play-dates together have been just as likely to end in tears as giggles. But more and more, we can see their mummy-independent friendship growing. It's so sweet to watch.

 

F and K shared their first tandem play today. Usually, they're both in their respective prams either sleeping or eating. Now that they're both sitting (K is four months younger than F), it's easier to get them side by side.

Speaking of gross motor development, F finally seems to have mastered assisted standing. He raised himself for the first time about a month ago. I haven't seen him do it again since, until yesterday when he did it repeatedly about 30 times. R isn't thrilled about the development. It means F can now reach—and wreck—everything on the train table.

Well, it's back to work tomorrow. But only one long day until another weekend of reprieve from reprieve.

 

My favourite pic from today.